Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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