Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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