they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
