I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
