I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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