i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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