You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
