i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
