walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
