Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
