He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
