I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
