This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
