I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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