Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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