Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
