and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Couch. On fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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