I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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