My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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