My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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