wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize