It's like a parade of train wrecks.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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