I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
