I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
