I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
