Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
