wanna go halves on a baby?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
