My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
