you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
