hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize