is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
