he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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