were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
