he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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