If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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