Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
