I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
