it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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