shes about as inviting as chlamydia
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
