He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
