Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
