i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
