i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
