omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
