my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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