My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
