Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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