I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
