As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Terrible idea I love it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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