Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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