So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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