with your own penis?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
