you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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