Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
