she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
