Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
