Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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