I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sarcasm needs its own font
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
