I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
