He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
