She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
