checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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