She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
soo... how was my night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
