No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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