How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize