Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
