I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
