so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
