I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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