hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
