If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
