Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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