and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
