The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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