i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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