Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this hospital has no fireball
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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