im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
