I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
