Kiss
Puke
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
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i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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