So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
