It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
