I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
