Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
